The Darkness and the Light
by Serena Darrin
Summary: My take on the story of Mass Effect 1. The first of three Shepards I'm working on. The tale of Richard Shepard and his journey through Mass Effect 1.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One:

Richard Shepard threw himself down on his bed, shielding his eyes with his arms. His few personal possessions would come later, but right now, he needed to be alone and unbothered. Arcturus was bright, loud, and generally annoying, not to mention confining. He kept seeing flickers at the corners of his eyes, flickers that any medical doctor would no doubt simply tell him was due to stress.

It was strange, having left the SSV Lazlo. He had gotten used to the people, the places. Here, the familiar hum of the drive core was gone. As was the ability to look out a window.

_Hah;_ he thought, _Captain Cole said I'd get used to being station-side, and I guess I have to hope I will. _Captain Cole was the one who had pushed him to take the XO's position on the SSV Normandy, saying it was a good career move; and it looked like he was right.

Yet, despite everything, he really did regret leaving the Lazlo. Though the Normandy looked interesting; a prototype, partially designed by the Turians. . . the thought made his head - and the rest of him - hurt even more. Brilliant flashes of light swam before his closed eyes.

_So why was I requested by Captain Anderson?_ Richard mused; his head still buried in his pillow. Captain Anderson was a decorated Special Forces officer, the best of the best. And the rest of the crew - they had medals and commendations enough to fill a barn. Command was assembling the best of the best. . . _and I guess that explains why they wanted me. I guess someone finally realized, I do get the job done. Just not necessarily the way people want it done. _

He sat up slowly; hoping the worst of his shakiness should pass. Arcturus wasn't helping anything for his mental or physical state - _Oh, hell, I'm going to have to deal with whoever's the CMO shipboard. _He cursed mentally. _I hope they don't give me too much beaurocratic red tape. _ With his legs mostly under his control - if a little wobbly - he slipped his feet over the side of the bed, moving slowly. The world no longer threatened to turn ninety-degrees vertical, so he was good to go. He padded quietly across the tiled floor and pulled open his duffel with shaking hands.

On top of everything was a copy of his current orders and standing. He knocked a strand of black hair from his eyes as he sat back down on the bed to read. Yep, there it was, just as he remembered. SSV Normandy. A prototype vessel with a crew that had enough medals and commendations to fill a boat. _Some shakedown cruise, _ he thought with a frown. _ But either way, this Tantalus Drive core looks fascinating. _ It looked like, for once, his security clearances were high enough to get him some information - _hey, that N7 rating had better be worth something for once- _ and he skimmed over the rest of the reports before settling to read further about the Tantalus Drive and the newly developed Internal Emissions Sink.

At least reading through technical specs meant it kept his head busy. There would be no sleep tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

Richard sighed, shouldering his duffel as he strode through the corridors of Arcturus. _What do they want with me? _ There was definitely something more then what the brief was saying, even considering the prototype tech under the Normandy's hull.

He paused at the security to the docks; given that the Normandy was a 'secret project,' he had to submit to several rounds of security and biometric scanning. As he finished the retinal scans, he got his first look at the Normandy, berthed neatly in spacedock. _She's beautiful. _She reminded him of the birds-of-prey, the ones that had soared over the farm in the evening. She had the lines of a hunter; a great cat. She was a small ship, but one look at her design and he knew she had claws.

"Sir," the tech by the security bunker said; jolting him from his reverie, "the docking hatch is just to your left." Richard blinked, nodded to cover his embarrassment, and stiffly headed off.

He stood in the airlock of the Normandy; duffel over one shoulder, the case for his sniper on the other. Though it hadn't been considered standard, he'd trained on long rifles before escalating to sniper rifles while he'd done his N5 training. _And no one expects a Biotic to be trained on a sniper rifle, _ he thought with a smirk. Everyone always thought he was an Infiltrator; until they saw the patch on his shoulder that marked his Sentinel training. Maybe it wasn't fair, but he enjoyed the confused look on their face. Since his amp didn't show under his hair - it was as long as military regulations allowed, to hide the scars - people didn't immediately realize he was a biotic, either.

"Logged," spoke the Normandy's VI, "XO Sheppard is aboard."

Inside, the Normandy was a bustle of activity. It was a totally different layout then what he was used to; with the airlock just behind the pilot's chair. The CNC was in the centre, with stairs going down to the second deck; and the comm room just behind. It was all still too clean, with the aura of a ship right off the factory line. The deckplates beneath his feet seemed to thrum with the Tantalus drive core, though he couldn't tell if that was strictly psycholoigical.

"Ah," said an older man, "stepping to attention and saluting crisply. "You must be Commander Shepard." Richard shifted his sniper case and returned the man's salute, "Second Officer Pressly, at your service."

"Thank you." Rich held out his free hand. "Commander Richard Shepard. Is there somewhere I can store this?" He nodded to the sniper case on his shoulder.

"There's gear lockers in the Garage," Pressly said, "I think the Captain would like to speak with you before you settle in, though."

Richard nodded. "I intended to report in anyway. Do you know where the Captain is?"

Pressly jerked his head to the comm room. "He's just dealing with a few last-minute reports, Commander."

"Right." Richard nodded, and set out to the comm room.

" - I can't keep the entire crew in the dark about this." He heard a voice saying. There was a response over the comm unit that he could make out, but as he stepped forward, he could see the tall form of Captain Anderson speaking into the comm unit.

"Fine. I understand." Anderson didn't sound happy at all. "Normandy out."

Richard shifted his weight from one leg to the other. "Captain."

"You must be Commander Sheppard." Anderson said, turning to face him. Richard managed a half-salute as he juggled his duffel and gear.

"Yes sir," he said. "Sorry for the informality, but I figured I ought to report in before I got settled. And Officer Pressly said you wanted to speak with me, anyway."

Anderson nodded slowly. "What have you heard about this assignment?"

"Not much." Richard admitted, mulling things over as he spoke. "It's supposed to be a shakedown run for the Normandy."

"Hmm." Anderson was distracted, his brown eyes seeming to gaze somewhere else.

"I've been suspecting there's more for a while now."

"I bet." Anderson said with a small smirk. "But I'm afraid you'll have to understand that information is on a need-to-know basis, and you don't need to know. Yet."

"Captain. . ." _Ok, shooting my mouth off a few minutes into my assignment is probably -not- a good idea. _"Permission to speak freely?"

"Granted."

"If I'm supposed to be your XO, shouldn't I know what the hell's going on?" _Lack of information gets people killed. Although, sometimes too much information gets people killed, too. . . _

Anderson at least had the decency to look contrite. "Sorry Commander, that's not my call. Now go stow your gear and get settled."

_One hell of a start to a mission, huh? _Richard mused as he headed down the steps to the mess hall and sleeper pods. _Well, at least it means there's something interesting going on. _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three:

"The relay is in range." The pilot's voice sounded over the regular comms chatter. "Initiating transmission sequence." Richard stepped nimbly around the horseshoe display of the galaxy map, working his way towards the cockpit. It was a strange design, this turian-designed ship, and he didn't particularly care for it - but that was another matter.

"Calculating transit mass and destination." The chatter continued as he stepped into the cockpit, the pilot's hands dancing nimbly over the controls. _Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau, aka 'Joker.'_ He remembered reading the basics of the crew files. Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko sat in the copilots position, running the additional numbers that could be required for relay transit.

"The relay is hot, all stations, secure for transit. Approach run has begun." Richard resisted the urge to reach out and grab the back of the pilot's chair. However much relay transit disoriented him, it was a weakness, and not one he would show.

"Hitting the relay in three. . . . two . . . one . . . "

And with that, time and space seemed to compress and stretch for a half moment, and Richard, ignoring his own wishes, reached out a hand to steady himself. _Damn. _ Even after so many transits, the moment of relay transit always made him disoriented and nauseous. It always had. At least by now it faded within a few seconds. Not like the first time . . . though. . .

Richard shook his head and listened to the pilot run through the basic checks, checking their thrusters and their drift. "All systems online, commander."

It wasn't Richard who answered.

"Good. Your captain will be pleased." The grating voice made Richard ball his hands ever so slightly and turn to face their so-called honoured guest. Turian Spectre Nilus, his white-painted face impossible to read, stood behind the three Alliance soldiers. _And this is the other problem. What genius suggested putting a Turian, least of all a Spectre, on board a prototype warship - even if the Turians did help design it? _

Without another word, the Turian turned on his heel and marched out of the cockpit, leaving a moment of surprised silence.

"I hate that guy." Richard turned back to the Flight Lieutenant, surprised to hear his own unease echoed so openly.

"Nilus gave you a compliment, so. . . you hate him?" Alenko's curious response came from the copilot's position on the right.

"Spectres are trouble." he said, and Richard smiled a little. "I don't like having him onboard." Moreau shrugged. "Call me paranoid."

Alenko seemed to pick up on that. "Fine, you're paranoid." _I'm learning more watching these two then I did from the mission briefs,_ Richard mused, a small grin forming on his features. "The Council helped fund this project, they have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment."

"Unfortunately, Alenko," Richard cut in, prompting both Alenko and Moreau to look over their shoulders at him, "that may be all they view it as - an investment. Humanity's not very high on the council's radar right now."

"Besides, that's the official story," Moreau chimed in with a grin, obviously happy to needle Alenko, "and only an idiot believes the official story."

_He's going to be an interesting traveling companion, _Richard felt his grin spread. And here he had been worried about the entire ship being as by-the-book as Pressly. _Though I'll have to be careful I don't get pranked. _ "They don't send Spectres on shakedown runs, that's for damn sure." Richard mused aloud, bringing his thoughts back to the moment. "There's more going on here then they're telling us."

"Yeah, I -"

"Joker! Status report!" Captain Anderson's voice cut in on the comms.

"We just cleared the mass relay, captain. IES engaged, and everything's running in the green."

"Good. Link us into the network - I want mission reports relayed back to Alliance brass -before- we reach Eden Prime."

"Yes sir." Alenko was already working the controls that would allow the Normandy to link into the FTL comm grid, despite being in transit.

"Brace yourself, sir," Moreau continued, "I think Nilus is headed your way."

There was a brief, important, pause over the comms link. "He's already here Lieutenant." Captain Anderson's voice was curt. "Tell the commander to meet me in the comms room for a debriefing." With that, the comms cut off.

"You got that?" Moreau asked over his shoulder again.

"I'm on my way," Richard said with a nod, smile fading. _I've got a job to do. _

"Is it me," asked Moreau as Richard stepped back out of the cockpit, "or does the Captain always sound a little pissed off?"

"Only when he's talking to you." Richard could still hear Alenko's clipped response, and this time, he smirked. Turians aside, he was starting to like this crew.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four:

Richard headed out of the cockpit. The comm room was just in behind the horseshoe ring of the Galaxy Map; over the stairs leading down to deck two. _It's a compact ship, I'll give her that, _ he deaked nimbly around another crewman; and tuned out the argument that Navigator Pressly was having - that had to be Engineer Adams he was talking to.

_Not my job,_ Richard thought with a frown. _I'm not here to babysit the crew, or their problems with non-humans - though -_ he caught the edge of Pressly's comment - _I'm not sure about having a Turian on board myself. But at least I keep my mouth shut about it. . . mostly._

Just in front of the comms room, the ship's doctor, Karin Chakwas, and Corporal Jenkins were having a lively debate about Eden Prime. He made to brush past them with a nod to the doctor, and Corporal Jenkins stopped him.

"What do you think, Commander?"

Richard stopped mid-step. "What?"

"Well, we won't be staying on Eden Prime too long, I hope! I'm itching for some real action!" He was a kid, excited and stupid.

The doctor sighed, knocking a strand of graying hair away from her face. "I sincerely hope you're kidding, Corporal. Your 'real action' usually ends with me patching up crew members in the infirmary."

"Calm down," Richard held a hand out to him. "A good soldier stays cool, even under fire. And Doc," he turned to Doctor Chakwas, "patching up wounded soldiers is part of the job, remember?"

"How could I forget?" she asked, her gaze intent on Richard's face.

"Sorry Commander." Jenkins stammered out. "But the waiting's killing me! I've never been on a mission like this before - especially with a Spectre on board!"

Richard grimaced. _Why a Spectre. Of all the -stupid- things, why a Spectre?_

"This is your job, Corporal." Richard found he had to say -something- to the over-excited kid. "Treat this like any other mission."

"Easy for you to say, commander. You proved yourself at Torfan."

_And of course. Someone else who's read my service record. _Richard sighed and squared his shoulders. "This is my big chance to show the boss what I can do!"

_If he keeps on like this he -is- going to get himself killed. _ "This mission isn't -repeat- isn't, about your personal glory. We have a job to do, and I'm not going to let anything mess it up."

"Don't worry, sir, I'm not going to screw this up."

"You'd better not." Richard said.

"Hey sir? Do you know why a Spectre - a Turian Spectre, is here for the shakedown run?"

Richard just shook his head in response. Rumour always flew aboard ships and this one would be no exception. His head was starting to hurt from Leroy's exuberance. "Hey commander, you'd make a good Spectre! Ruthless efficiency, show no mercy - just like you on Torfan.

Doctor Chakwas made a strangled noise in her throat. Now his head was decidedly hurting. _He thinks that was a -good- thing? I just wasn't going to let a single slaving bastard leave that moon alive. _He heard his own voice, calmer then his thoughts. "I didn't enjoy Torfan. I just did what had to be done."

"Right. . . sorry commander." _It seems that kid really likes the taste of shoe leather. _


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five:

As he tabbed the comm room door open, he was struck by how quiet everything was. Usually, on a shipboard posting, there were the background noises of the ship, the sounds of the consoles, the footsteps of the crew. Here, on the Normandy, with the crew now a room away, there was nothing except the sound of his own heart, and the faint buzz of the engines. It was better that way. Against the far wall was a 2-D slideshow of snapshots from the Eden Prime Colony – at least, that's what the captions proclaimed.

He came forward, the lights came up, and his was face-to-face with Nihlus. His dark eyes glanced Richard over as the Turian turned off the slideshow with a flick of his talon.

"Ah," he said, his mandibles flaring in an unreadable gesture."I was hoping you'd get here first. It would give us a chance to talk."

"The Captain said he'd meet me here. . ." Richard let the statement hang as a question in the air between them. The silence was too still. _What does he want out of me?_

"He's on his way." _Too easy and -way- too convenient._Nihlus turned and glanced back at the now-blank screen, looking away from him. "I'm interested in this world we're going to. Your Eden Prime. I hear it's quite beautiful."

He shrugged honestly uncaring. "You assume I give a damn." Talking to this Turian was starting to give him a headache. Who was he, anyway, that he had authority over the ship's CO?

"Others on the crew speak of it as paradise, yes?"

"I guess," Richard still didn't really care -what- the Turian thought about Eden Prime.

"But this place, this Eden Prime, it's something of a symbol for your people. Proof that your people can not only establish colonies, but also protect them. But how safe is it?" He asked, meeting her gaze in a way Richard found profoundly off-putting. _It's like being stared down by a crow. _ Nihlus did remind him of a crow, dark eyed and black skinned, except for the white colony markings all over his face. It was a stark contrast.

"If you've got something to say, just say it. Don't beat around it." He met the Turian's dark gaze, determined not to back down.

He was the one who turned away. "Your people are still newcomers, Shepard. The Galaxy can be a very dangerous place."  
"So can getting out of bed in the morning," He shot back, annoyed by the innuendo.

Nihlus tilted his head. "Not what I meant, Commander. My question is, is the Alliance truely ready for this?"

_For what? _He thought frantically, as she heard the door open behind him.

"I think it's about time we told the Commander what's really going on." Anderson's deep voice was a moment of calm that broke the tension between him and Nihlus.

Nihlus looked to Anderson then back to Richard before coming to an approximation of parade-rest. "This mission is far more then a simple shakedown run."

"That was obvious." Richard said, turning to face Anderson. "No offence, sir but your – and my – presence didn't fit the mission parameters we were given. Also, we're fully crewed. Why?"

"We're making a covert pickup on Eden Prime. That's why we needed the stealth systems operational, and that's why we needed a full crew."

"Anderson, what's going on? You've got the entire crew – including me – in the dark; and it's got a lot of people unnerved. What's so damn high-security that you can't even tell your XO?"

Anderson sighed, shook his head. "This came down from the top. Information is on a -very- strict need-to-know basis."

"And I didn't need to know." Richard growled. _Definitely a headache. _ His implants were buzzing.

"The brass thought you didn't, but I think that now you do, considering." Anderson looked at Nihlus, who nodded, and Anderson nodded back. "A construction team on Eden Prime unearthed some sort of beacon while cutting ground for a new monorail. We called researchers in. . . it was Prothean."

The word hung in the silence for a moment, before Richard stammered out, "Well, shit."


End file.
